Silence
An experimental text written in 2019 in response to Sex, live performance by Anne Imhof at Tate Modern, The Tanks, London.
Anne Imhof, Sex, 2019. Live performance at Tate Modern, The Tanks, London.
Photo: Justine McDonnell
don’t make a mistake, uncover the hidden, should go soon, obeyed her orders, forbidden
count the errors, written in silence, echoing lips, exposure, closure, revealed, replace
began to take, rules play, uncover the hidden, say anything, don’t make a mistake, take
a breath, carefully constructed, instructing, leading, boundaries between, takes a chance
structure to follow, must not, stop, forbidden, only she chooses, be silent, just behave, don’t
correct, should go soon, want her out, told you not to, an interference, split experience
hesitate| don’t repeat, her or she, deny her presence, repeating manner
no time left, didn’t stop, she sees you, leaves her, begins again, too late, an impossible choice
could not see her, speak, don’t forget, give nothing away, imagined at the time, she can’t help
her, breathe, just go, confessional, that is invisible, trapped in, detached from
compared to, in question, strain on silence, can no longer deny| failures
position, remained to find, obsessive commitment, now emptied out, intimacy with, conflict
breathes, unaware, once again, reframing, speak again, never,
fully exposed, endless talking, she listens, precious repetition, see herself, hard to reflect
overlaps occur, reflection fragmented, despite the attention, switch of character, failed to
can’t keep this, don’t make a mistake, an impossible choice, prepare for the next,
sufferings, are performed| stay, tell nothing, suddenly undone, loops
imperfections, paths intersect and slice, can’t break, echoing conversations, what way to turn
is betrayal, pain of vanishing, she forbids, don’t repeat, will never end, told her, breath
against, never tell, failings of her or she, needs to know why, under direction, a speech of
other, desire to come closer, repeated act, speaks silent, also evokes, was never there at all
couldn’t breathe, describe her, she was gone, turned to go
could never tell, chained to a disguise, attempts to control, give nothing away, can’t help her
if only she could, stop, tried so hard to find, never, can’t confess|
powerless to respond, in control, days of decomposing, crushed between, a voice she did not
recognise, never heard, would not stop, can’t confess, lips begging, no response, never
not forgiven, speechless, even to herself, she could not follow, stop
speak again, found herself, an outstretched voice, will not find,
could not bring herself, trying to, speak, not her, in confusion, tongue swallowed
all she can, a mistake, can’t stop, no response, couldn’t pause, piece it together, the past
body ceased, she snapped, flashes, straining to hear, stops, plays again|
never forgiven, nothing she could tell, never out loud, no, can’t confess, begging, the
same wish, what to try, nothing she could tell, play again, pause, unanswered, begging all to
tormented| stop, press play, repeat, make it, stop, finally admit, she, her voice
wish to, had to believe, no screaming, give up, finally, admit, what
would she say, existed, dragged herself in, scenes replaying, out of her control
scattered, hidden underneath, nothing she said, could be undone, hopes, past desires, try to
understand, tried so hard to find, she, already gone, desire to exist, fraction between|
confines of she, strict censorship, enforced and spoken, grasp the emptiness
doubt portrayed, there is no, only true or false, voice trapped, to reveal, concealed
come closer, feelings chaotic, no escape, for she to speak, crushed
between, her throat, would not stop, she existed, shattered lips, inch by inch, ruthless
kick, triggering the current, she is herself, no end, remains counting, separated from, traced
path, had her face long ago, speaks another tongue, slid side to side, discarding, throat
surrounded, days of decomposing, errors included, wrapped in she, forced to
a position that tackles, not familiar, folding cheek, acts of play, plucked revenge, small
agonies, separated messages, merge into, still nerves, what exists, blend into, shot from a
come closer, told to hear, breathing inwards, outwards| eventually leak out, voice of the
forced to, tell her something, wanting to, pushed and pulled, she stops moving
screams, climbing, dismantling, she stands alone, begging all to stop
lose all control, internal repetition, a secret, she was a secret, can’t tell, no, stop, press play
start again, to feel this way, her fault, she did not know, a chance, no chance
frequently avoided, blended into, uncertainty, twisting, shifting, a critique
could not lose, stay silent| reveal, never question, did not know herself, detached
who is watching now, body fixed, stuck completely, against her, silently
voiceless, she screams, breathe out, a weight released, does not want to remember, no won’t
confines her, restricts her, feel her less, still can’t, hatet was inside, reflection
was the request, an impossible choice, can’t spell it out, disappear, that is impossible
told, not to listen| constantly reminded, wants to avoid, external, not her, can only grasp
what will happen next, accepting it, she still can’t, talk to her, watch her, she can’t, to
realise, the face of who, could this be the reason, breathless, not focused, stay, back
alone, intends to survive, fight against, must not be told, whispered phrases, flashing back
what would she do, avoided her when, hurt your chances, has happened, told nothing|
response, lips into question, plays a reminder, what remains to reveal
didn’t see it coming, silenced or spoken for, don’t underline, resisting, don’t repeat, positions
feeling, can not rely, compelled to slip truth, trust in her, something stops
confession, condemned to repeat, was thinking of, don’t let her go
to face, escape, stay was the message, troubling moments
answered, suddenly undone, blame her, taking over, give her nothing, a need in her to
always there, wanted to run, outside was fragile, far removed, unspeakable, had forgotten,
can’t help her, can’t speak, can’t stand it, speak in silent, breathe, breathe against
hidden, never believed, never seen, silently both obey, way’s of control, she speak in silence|